Two Probies
by sue2008
Summary: Tim and Ziva finally got tired of Tony calling them Probies. What will they do about it. Oneshot. Just some fun, rating K, completely safe, if you don't have any issues with practical jokes.


**Two probies**

**Disclaimer: NCIS is not mine**

**Oneshot of what will happen when Tim and Ziva grow tired of Tony calling them Probies.**

**It is suppose to be funny.**

Ziva David was the last one to stay at the office. She was pissed like never before. Although she was more then happy she was allowed to stay at NCIS as an full time agent there was one thing that always made her angry. TONY. He and his way of calling her probie. She knew getting back wouldn't be easy but he was making her days at the work a hell.

She finished her last report and made herself comfortable at the chair. She put her hands behind a head and slowly on her face appeared mischievous smile. If Tony wanted a war, she would give him one. She was always good in leading (understand winning) secret wars and she knew too well she would have at least one faithful ally. Before she picked her stuff to go home she had demonic plan in her head complete.

.oOo.

The next morning Ziva was the first one to arrive at office. She brought three cups of coffee and two of them she placed at Tony's desk. She sat at her table sipping her coffee and she hoped that guys would stick to the usual schedule and that McGee would arrive before Tony.

With the next elevator beep Tim arrived to work with his mind lost somewhere around his new novel. Ziva wouldn't let him even catch a breath when she asked:

"I guess you are as fed up with Tony still calling you probie as me??"

He nodded.

"I guess it's time we do something about it"

He nodded again but was little bit hesitating this time.

"What do you want to do about it??" he asked with doubt.

"We give him exactly what he want" and before surprised look disappeared from his face she leaned forward on his table and explained her plan in whisper. As the words flow out content smile appeared on Tim's face.

"You are evil" he praised Ziva's idea.

"I know, thank you" she winked at him.

Then they were interrupted by getting head-slapped. Never noticed by neither of them Gibbs arrived to work. He didn't hear almost anything but he was good enough in reading lips to understand the main points of the plan. Ziva and Tim turned to him with guilt written all over their faces.

"Morning, Boss" they said unisono and expected another punishment. Gibbs measured them for a while with his famous glare and finally he warned:

"If any of this crap will interfere with any of ours investigation I will personally kicked both your asses to Israel and then I let DiNozzo to kick your asses back here"

"It won't never happen, Boss" they assured. Tony arriving as usually late caught only this last sentence.

"Are our probies screwing up your day again, Boss??" he asked almost innocently. The somewhat arrogant tone in Tony's voice washed away even the last doubts Gibbs had about his agents plans. DiNozzo just signed his own death certificate.

"Not mine, DiNozzo, not mine".

**DAY ONE**

Tony arrived to work just to discover probies getting reprimanded by their fearless leader. Go figure. It would never happened to him. After checking that Gibbs had everything under control he went for his desk. With his oh-so-skilled agent eye he noticed immediately two coffee cups.

"What's that??" he asked confused.

"Coffee, DiNozzo" Gibbs started enjoying this game before it even started.

"I was getting myself coffee, so I get one for senior field agent as well" Ziva said with as much respect in her voice as she managed. Tony looked at her with doubts but left it uncommented.

McGee threw only one look at Ziva, but Tony caught it.

"McCoffee??" he turned to him.

"I stopped specially by Starbucks to get you a coffee, extra sugar, as you like it, agent DiNozzo" Ziva was so proud of puppy-look in his eyes. If she didn't know better she would fall for it. Now let the fun begin.

Tony sat at his chair and carefully smelt the coffees. Then he tasted one slowly, you never knew with probies. He smiled contently. It was little bit weird, but he liked it and decided to enjoy it.

"Well, probies, it looks like I finally learned you something." As Gibbs watched Ziva giving Tony her best six-year-old-who's-picture-is-being-admired-by-her-grandparents look he thought to himself 'You had no idea, Tony.'

The rest of the day was slow, they had no active case, so they wrapped up their last one. Tony never even started to be suspicious of something going on, while both other agents kept ask him about some stupid problems in their reports. They always asked with such a humble tone and were always so thankful that his ego overgrow every rational part of his personality.

Ziva and Tim waited for Tony to left the office in the afternoon before they allowed themselves to relax. The moment elevator's door closed behind him Ziva threw the paper she just kept to the desk and growled.

"Whoooooaaaaaaaaa that was hard one" she stand up to relax her tired body "I thought I was going to kill him during lunch with the burger I brought him" McGee watched her inner fight for whole afternoon, Tony had no idea how close he was to bodily harm during day.

"Isn't it early to give up, David??" Gibbs came back from his coffee break.

"OOOhhh Gibbs, I'm not giving up, I'm just getting started. She survived three months of hell in captive, no way one DiNozzo would break her.

"Started on what??" Abby just arrived to pick McGee. They were going to get something to eat together. Ziva turned to the Goth and content smile appeared on her face.

"Abby" she told with her best sweet voice "how are you feeling about little conspiracy??"

Abby looked at Ziva with doubt, then at McGee, he was nodding approvingly and then at Gibbs. He didn't object so Abby smiled contently.

"Conspiracy?? Count me in"

And the three of them left together to make more plans for next day.

**DAY TWO**

The next morning started at NCIS gym. While there were still no cases they decided to work on their close range combat. With no Gibbs in sight Tony took the lead. He paired up McGee and Ziva and contently watched his fellow male-agent being constantly wrapped on the floor. He was so lost in watching Ziva smooth moves (not that he would ever admit it) that he didn't notice quick nods that the probies exchanged.

He reprimanded McGee one more time and tried to help him with describing some very improbable move. Even to his own surprise the next duel was finished with Ziva laying on the ground. Tony was taking breath to make some nasty comments when McGee started to panic.

"Ziva, are you OK??"

She didn't move. Some people in the gym started to turning to them. Tony swallowed his approving words instead he reprimanded.

"What did you do, McKiller??"

"Nothing, just what you told me to do, Tony..." McGee was just like little child that accidentally broke mum's vase "What shall we do??" There were real tears in his eyes

"How could I know??" Tony knelt next to Ziva. Her breath was very slow and shallow, her eyes closed and she wasn't moving.

"You are the senior agent, do something..." McGee was begging. Tony had obviously no idea what to do.

"Call 911, McPhone". McGee got his cell but instead 911 he dialed Abby. He faked some conversation while he was trying very hard not to explode with laugh while he watched Tony trying to help Ziva.

He tried to check her pulse on the neck but not being able to find any he slowly moved his hand towards her chest to feel the heartbeat. He could swear her heart-rate increased when his warm hand moved on her body, but she never moved.

"She is definitely alive" he finally stated.

"Great, The 911 suggested you should try mouth to mouth" It wasn't such a lie, it was Abby's great idea.

"Of course" Tony tried to seem like it was his idea. It was so obvious. But before he could open Ziva's mouth she suddenly sat up.

"No way, everything but this, I can smell his breath even from down here." and still seating on the floor when she noticed Tony's shocked expression she erupted with laughter.

McGee seeing Tony's confused look bend over and laughed unstop-ably. After some time Ziva was finally able to stand up. She walked to McGee and gave him high-five.

"Great work" she winked at him. And quietly whispering, probably about their future plans they left Tony still full of disbelief alone in the gym.

Their next plans were stopped by sudden case. Marine getting killed wouldn't allow any more of their practical jokes. They knew Gibbs wouldn't approve and staying on Gibbs'es good side was essential to their little conspiracy.

**DAY THREE**

As the case unveiled opportunities to teach Tony lesson were just offering themselves. First, Ziva just asked him, if she was taking the photos right. Then McGee came up with stupid enough question about chain of evidence. But it wasn't till Abby called him for the third time wanting to give him some computer connected evidence when he got suspicious about something going on.

"Abby, why are you calling me with this stuff, you know I have no idea what are you talking about."

"Oh c'mon Tony" she tried her sweetest voice "you don't want me to deal with probies, do you? They are such a lame"

"Abby, what's going on??"

"Nothing" she anwered little bit too quickly.

"You are not getting any Caf-Pow this week" she hang up instead of answer. To calm her nerves she sipped Caf-Pow in her hands. Two co-conspirators took good care of her caffeine needs.

They arrived back to office in the afternoon. Within minutes there were at least three high piles of reports and other paperwork on Tony's desk. Other two agents sat down at their desk sipping coffee and provocatively reading little brochures named "_From the life of an outstanding NCIS agent_".

"What do you got??" Gibbs just arrived from the autopsy. Two probies lied down their brochures and curiously waited what will happen. There was no point in explaining to Tony that they already gave Gibbs their reports.

Tony dug himself out of the piles of paper and started. He described dead Major's life and career and finished with "Ziva talked to his wife"

She put her best surprised look but smiled.

"Yes I did, very nice lady" she talked slowly and with no effectiveness. Gibbs already knew about her whereabouts in last week and to the others there was no point. "She gave me great recipe for a steak. Anyway, she was born on Florida and she had two sisters, isn't it nice??"

Gibbs did his best not to smile, but just to be safe he hid himself behind computer screen. Tony couldn't stand it anymore.

"Where she was yesterday, David??"

"I was suppose to ask her that, I didn't know"

McGee couldn't stand in anymore and with bathroom excuse run off the room. Gibbs put his most severe face on and turned to Tony.

"I hope you will put this two probies in order" and left the room.

Tony was furious.

"What the hell was this all about??"

"I've never conducted an interrogation, how should I know what to ask??" guilt was safely tucked in her voice.

"You are kidding me, right, you conducted hundreds of interviews, definitely more then me" Winning spark appeared in Ziva's eyes but she hidden it quickly.

"It was Officer David, the Mossad liason, The Probationary NCIS Agent David has never done it before"

She could see Tony's anger getting on the surface so she carefully checked her watch and with smile noticed

"Oh, It's half past five already. We are getting paid only to five, I'm out of here." and carefully covering herself she left the room. McGee followed shortly after her.

**DAY FOUR**

Tony was furious. He just spent all night working on files connected with last case. Even Gibbs was nowhere to be found. What the hell was going on. The probies arrived exactly at nine. They were lost in conversation about some rules concerning dress code in office they just read in another stupid brochure.

Ducky appeared shortly after them. He walked straightly towards Tony's desk and handed him autopsy report. He just warned.

"Make sure the probies won't see this, they may get sick from some photos." Tony just looked at him.

"You too, Ducky??" McGee winked to Ziva. He got to the ME yesterday. Luckily for him Ducky was saved from answering by Abby. She hold stack of results and walked directly towards Tony desk. On this sight he growled, stood up, pushed the files from his desk so they felt on the ground and screamed

"OK, I give up, no more probies, I promise!!!"

Ziva stood up, smiling winningly

"Look at him, he figure that one out for himself. He is some investigator after all" and she congratulated McGee, who was grinning like never before.

"OK, now that you two are done celebrating, we have case to solve" He just spent whole night working while obviously others was having fun at his expense. It was hard blow for his ego.

"Look at our senior agent" McGee observed "He is somewhat confused" Tony was getting red with anger. Two probies (no, no more probies, he had to forget about it, lesson learned) they just beat him. It wasn't like him, to get beaten. It hurt.

Ziva walked towards files on the floor and unmistakably got the autopsy report. She opened it on the last page and read.

"The death occured due to self inflicted gun shot wound...blah blah blah....conclusion: suicide" she closed the report and placed it on Tony's desk.

"Next time try less bossing around and more reading and you could even get some sleep sometimes" She sat contently on her desk and throw paper ball at Tony. He throw it back and having good sense of humor he admit.

"Not bad, you two, anyway, great planning."

"Not bad yourself" Ziva paid the compliment back "I bet you wouldn't last two days"

McGee joined the conversation "Who won. My bet was seven days."

"I guessed five so I was closest" Abby cheered.

"Nope, Abigail" Ducky opposed "My guess was three, so we are square"

"Never mind, we can split" Abby offered.

"Sorry to disappoint you, Abby" Gibbs joined the group "but I told you he would crawl back begging after four days"

Ziva and McGee agreed "He did said that"

"I wasn't crawling" Tony argued.

"No??" observed Gibbs "and who left the paper trail behind him" he pointed at the mess.

"Probie" was Tony's immediate answer. Ziva just started to play with her knife. "....I mean..." Tony corrected himself "...McProbie..." Tim started to work on his keyboard "...I mean...." He checked his colleagues sitting comfortably at their desks and staring him down.

"I....I'll clean this up, Boss"

**END**

**Hope you liked it;)**


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